I've been thinking a lot lately about priorities, expectations and what I really want to get out of life. Sounds deep, I know, but bear with me...
I started following a few really inspiring Instagram accounts run by like-minded women who have a focus on slow, minimalist living. From there I discovered the inspiring podcast The Little Chapters, hosted by two of said women, Jessica Rose Williams and Kayte Ferris. Sadly they ended the podcast just as I discovered it (genuinely distraught) but it means it's a very digestible set of 20 episodes, which I wholeheartedly entreat you to go and listen to as you potter around this weekend.
They talk a lot about finding your purpose, being true to yourself, not listening to the expectations of others and approaching your life in a way which puts you at the centre. This all really resonated with me. Like them, I'm someone who perhaps spent the early part of my adulthood trying to do things that made me look "cool" or live up to a fantasy version of myself I'd created in my head, rather than listening to what I really wanted and not worrying about what people thought.
So I thought I would share a few things that I've learned and/or made my peace with over the years...
It's OK to love staying at home
I hate the notion that society puts on us that if we're not spending all of our free time skydiving, going to festivals or exploring every corner of the world then we're somehow uncultured and boring. For example, it's one of the last great taboos to admit you don't like travelling. Don't get me wrong, I love a holiday, as long as it's as luxurious as my own home. I have absolutely zero desire to go backpacking or inter railing or hostel-jumping across any country whatsoever. Why would I want to stay in dingy places and spend loads of money doing so when my home is so comfortable and has everything I need? I spent the first half of my twenties pretending I was jealous of other people's travelling anecdotes when actually I was bored stiff by them. But now I've stopped caring. No, I don't really want to go to South America or Thailand, or climb Everest. I would much rather stay at home. I love my home. It's cosy, comfortable, luxurious and exactly how I want it.
It's OK if your only hobby is Netflix
Besides a bit of Pilates and yoga, my principal hobby is watching TV box sets. There is little I love more than losing myself in a crime drama (I've watched so many I'm convinced I could solve most crimes now), a cooking show (obsessed with MasterChef) or a medical drama (I'm basically a doctor at this point). I devour TV and I hold absolutely no guilt for that anymore. As a child my mum thought TV was a bad influence and barely let us watch any, so I always delight in telling her how that seriously backfired with me. Hobbies don't have to be grand, or exciting, or teach you anything. Hobbies are what you love doing to relax you and take your mind off work. My principal hobby as a teenager was playing The Sims. And no, I didn't gain any amazing life skills from it. But I really enjoyed it, it kept me relaxed and sane during exams, plus it ignited my love of interior design!
It's OK if you would rather go home than go hard
At uni I loved a night out, and would relish the chance to put on a cheap New Look dress, drink a few Malibu & Cokes and dance with all my friends. And it was fun at the time, but I grew out of it. Now I can hardly think of anything worse than being on a sweaty dance floor at 3am surrounded by drunk people. Don't get me wrong: I love to mix up a French martini to savour in the bath, or have friends over for mojitos in the garden. But pumping music, queues for the bar, and a 30 minute wait for a taxi when I could be cosied up in my bed with a cup of tea? No thanks.
It's OK if you don't want to see anyone sometimes
I'm never really sure if I'm an introvert or an extrovert; I do love spending time with my friends, talking things through with them and getting their insights, rather than keeping things to myself. However, there's little I love more sometimes than being on my own. I live on my own and I love it (though I do loving having my cat Raya for company). At the end of a long day I rarely want to go out for dinner or see people. I want to collapse on the sofa with a homecooked meal and a mindless TV episode. I want to spend my entire weekend pottering about my house by myself, cleaning and tidying (yep I actually enjoy that) and listening to podcasts. I want to have a bath and listen to spa music, and do a face mask. Maybe it comes from having four siblings, but quiet time by myself is my safe haven from life, and I love it.
It's OK to prefer the simple pleasures
Yes, amazing life changing experiences are just that, and I do advocate pushing yourself out of your comfort zone just a little bit sometimes and trying new things. But once you've tried something and you know you don't like it, that's fine. I know I hate rollercoasters, so no matter how many times someone asks me to "just try this one", I absolutely will not. There's no point putting myself through that. I don't have any desire to bungee jump or party in Ibiza. The things I take pleasure from - curling up on the sofa on a rainy day, cooking myself a delicious brunch, relaxing with a decadent bath oil, or even just cancelling plans to stay in bed a bit longer - are not worth writing home about. But that doesn't make them any less worthy of my time.
It's OK to be yourself
At the risk of sounding very Pinterest-mantra, this is what it comes down to. Loving yourself and being confident in who you are doesn't come from changing yourself into the person you want to be: it comes from accepting yourself, weaknesses and all. Yes, sometimes I wish I were the kind of person who loved heights and could do Go Ape without bursting into tears (yep, that was me - and it was the junior one...) Sometimes I wish I liked going out all night and had an amazing love of kitesurfing. But I am who I am and I have learned to love that - scented candle addiction and all.
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